8 Proven Ways Patience Will Improve Your Life

3 magic questions to curb impatience

One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life. (Chinese Proverb)

Why do you get impatient?

Psychologists say impatience sets-in when:

You don’t get something you want for the price you thought it would cost.

The “cost” I’m talking about isn’t just financial. The cost could be how much time you spend or the effort you put into something (e.g., a relationship or a skill).

So what can you do when you feel impatient? Ask yourself three questions:

• What did I expect to get?
• What did I think it would cost?
• What is my revised cost?

It sounds simple, but these three magic questions force you to step back and take a breath. They stop you from lashing out, saying something stupid, or acting on impulse.

Patience gives you the space to think clearly about your alternatives. Patience allows you to ask, what are my choices, and are there better options?

So next time you feel your blood pressure rise, answer these three questions, and stop yourself from doing something crazy.

Is patience hard for you?

All it takes is an apostrophe and a bit of an attitude adjustment to go from “impatient” to “I’m patient.” (Terri Guillemets)

In her study, “An examination of patience and well-being,” Professor Sarah Schnitker talks about three types of patience:

• Daily hassles — e.g., waiting in a check-out line, crawling along in slow traffic, waiting for a computer to re-boot
• Interpersonal struggles — e.g., working with a demanding boss, dealing with a disobedient teenager, negotiating with a difficult client
• Life hardships — e.g., searching for a spouse, finding a new job, enduring a health crisis

Here’s the good news:

There’s evidence that you can increase your patience through practice.

Imagine for a moment what your life would like if you were more patient.

But before we get busy with patience building habits, let’s talk about the best part — why patience will improve your life.

This is why you want to be patient

Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city. (Proverbs 16:32 NLTse)

Patience is your ability to wait calmly in the face of frustration, adversity, or suffering.

There’s a reason why philosophers and religious leaders have touted the benefits of patience. In their 2012 research study Sarah A Schnitker and Robert Emmons show that the benefits of patience include the following:

• Coping in stressful situations
• Healthy friendships and relationships
• Increased ability to achieve goals
• Increased happiness
• Increased life satisfaction
• Increased pro-social behavior for the public good
• Decreased depression
• Decreased physical health problems

Wow! Is there anything else you want to add to the list?

Now to the questions, I suspect you’re asking:

Can I really improve my patience? And can these practices lead to a better life?

Research answers YES to both questions!

So what’s the secret to more patience?

Below are three practices that Professor Schnitker used in her research. Practice these exercises daily, first thing in the morning and right before you go to bed. For added oomph, build in a mid-day session.

Mindfulness

Stand or sit-up straight and assume a comfortable but confident posture. Close your eyes, and slowly roll your shoulders to loosen-up. Afterward, draw a couple of big O’s with your nose, take deep breaths, and then release your breath slowly. Repeat this 4–5 times.

This exercise works because your mind connects to your body through the process of biofeedback. The science of biofeedback teaches that the brain changes its activity based on what the body is doing. By controlling your breathing, you will relax your body, improve your mood, and lower your stress level.

Reframing

Replace negative emotions with positive emotions and learn to look at frustrating experiences from a positive angle. For instance, I recently went to the dentist and was told I needed a tooth fixed. As I sat in the chair getting frustrated, I thought, “at least I have a good dentist, because this could have been a problem 6 months from now”. Immediately I reframed the bad news to good news.

Reframing is powerful because it’s closely linked to gratitude. Robert Emmons, the leading scientific researcher on gratitude, defines gratitude as affirming that there is goodness in the world and that its source is outside of ourselves.

You will become more patient once you learn to be thankful in all circumstances. The key to reframing is to focus on what you are grateful for immediately BEFORE the negative emotion takes root in your mind. This skill will come naturally with practice.

Meditation

Direct warm and positive emotions toward other people, starting with yourself and extending out to the world. Meditation does not mean emptying your mind so that you can be one with the cosmos. Meditation means to ponder and think upon those relationships, ideas, and events in your life that are right and good. Practicing gratitude is proven to reduce depression.

Maybe you don’t meditate, but do you pray? Over 55% of Americans pray daily. Speaking for myself, I find that focusing on a power bigger than my worries provides hope and strength. Praying strengthens my spirit, slows my body down, and calms my mind. Praying is the ultimate biofeedback loop.

We live in a world full of frustrations, but patience can help you live a healthier and more successful life — a life filled with less stress and increased happiness. Practice patience, and it will rescue you “in the moment” and pave the way for a much more satisfying and fulfilling future.

Be wise and successful

1. Remind yourself to slow down and take a big deep breath. Place a couple of post-it note reminders in your trigger areas, like your desk phone, computer monitor, steering wheel, or refrigerator. When triggered, ask yourself the three questions above.
2. Refocus your thoughts on the positive parts of your life. Do this as soon as you wake-up (even before your feet hit the floor), right after lunch, and before you go to bed. Keep a gratitude journal and make a practice of saying “thank you” to everyone.
3. Recharge your body, mind, and spirit through meditative practice. As suggested by Professor Schnitker’s research, think kind and caring thoughts towards yourself and to others. Meditate or pray daily for at least 10 minutes.